I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
