Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
