I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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