sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
