Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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