hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
