Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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