good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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