Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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