At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize