I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
