we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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