Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
