if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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