So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
