dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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