My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
