I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
