how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
