OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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