When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
