yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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