dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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