the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
