Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
