Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
