The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
