I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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