so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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