Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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