so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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