hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
