How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
