A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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