Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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