There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize