I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
