My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
