Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i believe in u and ur pee
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
