I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize