Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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