dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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