i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
