Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you never un-have a 4some
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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