He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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