he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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