you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
