Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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