She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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