i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize