dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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