Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
