I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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