the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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