woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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