You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
