I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
