btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
