how can u be prego again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
