Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
