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Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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