So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The ass gains better be worth it
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