Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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