the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
