I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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