it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
