Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We talked him into tasing himself.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
