Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
