I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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