Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
