He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
