I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
