whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
