i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's get the cat blown out
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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