If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
