My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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