Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
