Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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