is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
