dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Only a mothe r could love this liver
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
false alarm, still single
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
