Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
