I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
