Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
