he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
