Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
