im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He did a backflip because drugs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
