the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
