I CAN MOONWALK!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
