Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
