He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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