M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
