We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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