Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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