yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
