he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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