It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
