I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
