Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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