why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
PANTIES FOUND
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
