I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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