D3 body, D1 cock
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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