Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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