You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
