so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
