it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you never un-have a 4some
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
