never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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