I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
