well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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