I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
3pm strippers are depressing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
