That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
