You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
