I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
