I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
