So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
