i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
