so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
