apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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