Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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